Fear
by Lleira
Summary: A tag to the 7x02, The Greybar Hotel. Some angst, some fluff and some fear. Rating K just to be sure, nothing explicit inside.


_This is a little tag to 7x02 - The Greybar Hotel. I wrote this today on my much needed day off. It seems that lately all I´m doing is working, driving and sleeping, what a life :). I hope you enjoy this one, it sure helped me to relax while writing it._

* * *

Lisbon stepped into the bathtub filled with steamy hot water and a lavender scented bubble bath which was supposed to have calming effects. Calm. She could use bit of calm. After the day, or better, days she had, being calm was something she craved more than anything. Maybe more than a salad.

Abbott made her to go home right after she gave them her statement, even though she tried to protest. Mostly because she felt quite fine back then, an hour ago...but now, the adrenaline slowly leaving her system, Lisbon faced the possibility of becoming a pathetic mess.

Her mind kept coming back to the poor man being executed right in front of her eyes, and she couldn´t do a damn thing about it... he died for no reason, while those fuckers laughed at him. Sure, they caught Cole, and he will spent the rest of his life in prison, but still, a man has lost a life...

Lisbon shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to think about something else, yet, the next image which came to her mind was no better than the first at all. She saw Jane, her Jane, and a gun pointed at him. She shivered, which was almost impossible in such a hot water. Almost. They could have ended like that poor man today. Sure, it was an occupational hazard in their line of work, yet...the more she thought about it, the more she realized this time it was avoidable, if only...

If only.

It was a good plan, it just turned into bad one on the way. It was nobody´s fault.

Even Jane can´t possibly always know how things might turn out, besides, he had no idea that Cole Foster is a murdered. All they known about him was that he stole cars and had connections to international smugglers.

She was not angry at him for administrating such a plan. No. She was scared. Surely, he would blame himself for all of it, and that was the last thing he needed.

After all, blaming himself was what he kept doing for over a decade.

"Crap...," she muttered.

This lavender was doing nothing.

Maybe a glass of wine would do the much needed trick.

* * *

Jane paced up and down in the Airstream of his, unable to calm down. She almost died today. The image of Foster aiming a gun at her will be forever imprinted in his mind. He concealed his emotions through the day, for her sakes, but once in the privacy of his home on wheels, he finally let the mask slip. And it was not a nice sight.

He calculated the risk heaps of times, but the most significant information was missing. He had no chance of getting a read off of Cole Foster and had made the mistake of forging a plan without it. Given the possibility of having a slightest idea about what kind of vile man he is, he would never, ever, made up a plan like that. It was simple equation. Knowing Lisbon might be in a slightest bit of a danger, Jane would have terminated the plan in an instance.

He sighed.

The only thing he wanted was to get her out of there as fast, and as efficient, as possible. Yes, they managed to do just that but a man lost his life. And Jane was on a verge of losing his mind.

A phone buzzed and it made him jump in surprise. He muttered something under his breath and went to retrieve the darned device. It was a text message.

 _Hey, can you come over? We can order take-out and have some wine._

 _Lisbon_

Jane stared at the screen and his lips quirked up a bit.

He sent her a quick " _On my way"_ reply and sat down at the driver seat, ready to do her bidding.

* * *

Lisbon was half way through the second glass of red when the unmistakable sound of Jane´s mobile home let her know that he arrived. She stood up, dressed in her most comfortable and least sexy clothes, an old black tank top, and yoga pants, quite old ones. Her hair was in a bun, still a bit wet from the bath. She got glass of red in her hands when she opened the door for him.

He was getting out of the Airstream, having park it in the small drive-way. Somehow , it fit.

"Hey," she said softly and her smile subdued a little when she saw his face. So, she was right. He looked and probably felt terrible.

"Hey," he replied not even trying to hide his mood.

"Come in, you."

* * *

She ordered Italian while Jane helped himself to a cup of tea.

"Do you have any milk?" she heard him asking from the kitchen. She chuckled. Probably not.

"I don´t think so," she told him back, pouring both of them a glass of wine.

"Lisbon, this is absolutely unacceptable," he said and walked into living room with cup of tea in his hands.

"What is?"

"Your milk-free home."

"Well, I wasn´t exactly living here for couple of days, you know...I couldn´t just skip out of prison to do some shopping," she said amusingly and realized that it probably was not so amusing for Jane - if the look on his face was anything to go by.

"I´m sorry," she said quickly, "It was just a joke...not a good one I guess..."

"No, don´t apologize, it´s okay. We can go shopping tomorrow."

"Jane..."she said softly and just then somebody knocked on the door.

"Let me get that," she said fast, even before she could say it´s probably the take-out she ordered. She was back quickly, two heavenly smelling bags in his hands.

And Jane was seated on the couch, with a cup in his hands, looking lost.

"The food´s here," Lisbon said, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Smells nice," he replied, sipping tea. Otherwise, he was not in the same room as she was, at least not mentally.

"I got myself some salad, too,"

"That´s great..."

"And the Airstream is on fire," she said, putting the food on the table in front of him.

"Good," he replied and nodded, his mind processing what she said very slowly, but still..."Wait, what?"

She smiled innocently, "Just joking, I didn´t get any salad. It´s just the Italian."

It was his turn to smile, even if just a little.

"I apologize. I was -"

"Lost in thoughts?" she asked and sat down beside him.

"You could say that."

Lisbon nodded. She was lost in her thoughts, too. That was a normal. Being lost in his thoughts on the other way...

She understood herself.

Understanding Jane and his fears was another thing.

"You know...I -"

"It´s not necessary to talk about _it_ Lisbon. I´ll be fine."

"We both almost died today," she said, killing the fake "nothing really happened" mood in two seconds, making Jane inhale a sharp breath. "Maybe you don´t want or need to talk about it, but I sure do."

Silently, Jane nodded, taking another sip of his tea, "Talk, then," he said and looked up at her, his eyes strained of the usual spark, "I´m listening."

"O-kay," she said, suddenly feeling tong-tied. She took a deep breath, too, needing to express her feelings which was not one of her strongest suits, "Okay," she repeated, "I need to know that you are not taking any responsibility for this. It was not your fault. "

Jane nodded. "It was, thought," he said, and bowed his head down.

"Jane..."

"Action leads to reaction, Lisbon. I should´ve thought about it -"

"How could you possibly -"

"Because that is what I do! I always work the odds, Lisbon, always! I wanted you out of there as soon as possible and I wanted to solve the case! Somehow I overlooked the fact that things might go wrong...and I shouldn´t. I put your life at risk without even thinking about it," he finished his ramblings going from pretty loud yelling to whispering. Lisbon has rarely experienced Jane raising his voice, he was always so cool, so in control of his own emotions and this was a surprise. Not a pleasant one.

"I can´t take this," she whispered silently, reimbursed with the wine and lack of adrenaline in her system. "I can´t. I...I don´t want _guilt_ to be a foundation of our relationship," she whispered quietly, fighting back unshed tears.

"Teresa..." he breathed out, not really prepared for this conversation.

"So...either you sort it out or -" she said unable to finish the sentence, her voice shaking.

"I will. I promise I will."

"Well...you better..."

"I might need some time."

"Okay. I can give you time..."

"Okay, all right," he whispered while enveloping her in a soft hug, a hug that never happened back at the scene. Stiff at first, too pumped up to relax, Lisbon took another deep breath fighting the urge to sob and finally melted into his embrace. He smelled like Jane and tea, his curls tickled her face and she closed her eyes savoring the moment. They stayed like that for a while...a long while. The food has gone cold, but none of them cared. Actually, the food stayed untouched trough the whole night as the need to reconnect was stronger than everything else.

They reconnected at the couch at first and then found a way into Lisbon´s bedroom where the magic happened again, both needing the closeness desperately.

After the deeds were done, Jane was lying breathlessly beside Lisbon, content and happiness overshadowing the fear and anxiety lingering in his thoughts. Not for long though. The seed of fear was planted that day and getting rid of it would be hard, if not impossible at all.

Lisbon turned in her half sleeping state on her side, resting her head on his shoulder and he found himself stroking her hair lovingly. It was almost an automatic reaction. She loved when he did that and it helped her fall asleep faster.

Jane couldn´t sleep.

Not right now, not just few hours after a gun was pointed directly at her. It wouldn´t be a good night sleep anyway.

Fear.

Fear in not necessarily a bad thing. It´s a basic human emotion without which the human race would be damned for all he knows.

What if the cavemen weren´t afraid of the darkness enveloping them?

They wouldn´t need a light.

People were and are always afraid and the fear was and is making them move on, come up with an explanations or solutions. Without the fear - the catalyst for a development, there would be no life at all.

Jane was afraid. Afraid of losing Lisbon mostly for her sake. He knew what would happen to him if such a thing ever happened. He´d be damned. Again.

Learn to live with the fear might be a solution.

But how?

That was another question. And he had no particular answer for that.

He took another steadying breath to calm himself down and Lisbon mumbled something in her sleep. Something he wasn´t able to decipher but it sounded a lot like a complaint.

He was not stroking her hair anymore.

Jane corrected the problem by resuming the hair stroking and sighed quietly.

Minimizing threats to her seemed the only solution for this situation, at least for now.

And that´s the thing he is going to do from now on.

It might keep him sane for a while.

Or so he hoped.

He let her have the much needed sleep and let himself have the much needed patrol over her. He chased away a nightmare that occurred around midnight by whispering silent reassuring words and brushing his thumb over her cheeks. She calmed down eventually and Jane took a little pride in this little victory over fear.

If only the rest of battles were so easy to fight, he thought.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading my first one-shot and I hope you enjoyed it. Have a nice day :)_


End file.
